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11-Aug-2005
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#1 |
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Tips:5¢ Advice:Free
 
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Tree of the Day - Thursday August 11, 2005
Attached is a Juniper Rock Planting submission for the TOD You can use the pencil tool under the attachment window to make notes
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Tree of the Day - Thursday August 11, 2005 |
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11-Aug-2005
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#2 |
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Carrier of Bonsai Fever
 Join Date: Oct-2001
Location: So-Cal, US of A
Country: America The Beautiful
USDA Zone: Zone 9-10
Posts: 1,833
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Think I'd turn it a bit. Flatten the base, work the foliage layers,
A quick and dirty virt
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Keep growing,---'Nut Lethal Use of Farce Last edited by Bonsainut : 11-Aug-2005 at 10:51 AM. |
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11-Aug-2005
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#3 |
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The Cat's Apprentice
 
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Less is more ... ommmm
IMHO, the artist tried to crowd too much on here.
The rock's profile is blurred by the trees at the top, and the trees at the top aren't so well-developed or interesting that they are worth using to blur the outline of the rock. Now, if the trees at the top were more developed and refined to look like, say, a monterey pine at the top of a cliff, I'd rethink this approach. As it is, we are working with limited material and I'd ditch the "halo of green" going on here. Instead, I would let the rock's outline stand out, like the top of a cliff, and have just two trees clining for life on the side. IMHO, there's a whole lot more wabi in this approach. less is more, ommmm pootsie |
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11-Aug-2005
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#4 |
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Paul Berish
Join Date: Jun-2002
Location: north shore of Lake Superior
Country: Minnesota
USDA Zone: 3/4
Posts: 1,197
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This composition reminds me of a place that I used to go as a kid, climbing up the rocky hills on the shores of Lake Superior. I believe this composition. It has a realness to it. What I would do is let it mature, get the foliage to pad out a bit more and enjoy. Good Job.
Paul
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It is essential to experience all the times and moods of one good place. (Thomas Merton) BonsaiTalk is one good place. (me) Last edited by pdbbonsai : 11-Aug-2005 at 12:24 PM. |
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11-Aug-2005
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#5 | |
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bonsaiTALK Master Chief
 
Join Date: Sep-2004
Location: South San Francisco, CA
Posts: 1,965
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Quote:
I think that Bonsainut is on the right track here. Mike
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Nature is perfect. Man's attempts to improve nature, Are imperfect. MP@BBB Studio There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way Gautama Buddha |
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11-Aug-2005
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#6 |
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Air Assault All The Way.
Join Date: Mar-2004
Location: Huntersville, NC (near Charlotte)
Country: USA
USDA Zone: 7-8
Posts: 1,692
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Some interesting perspectives. To me, it looks like the foliage of the "higher" trees gives it a distant view, as opposed to the more full foliage of the "front" trees. The trunk thickness seems to "thin" as you go back. It looks like a wind is blowing from left to right at a pretty good clip. I find it to be a pleasant mountain scene.
This composition reminds me of the Blue Ridge mountains. I would like to see a little more ground covering, various mosses. It appears to be thyme that cascades down, and I use that myself. Maybe fewer trees could improve the design, but I don't know I would recommend going that way. I've got to try and get the time to do a virtual. Don't see a whole lot of these rock plantings. John
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John Dixon Si vis pacem parabellum Stay off the trails of others, that's where the booby-traps are. Last edited by John Dixon : 11-Aug-2005 at 02:24 PM. |
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11-Aug-2005
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#7 |
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bonsaiTALK Expert
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I think this planting has a lot of potential. I agree with others that it reminds me of some places I have been. That's a great strength.
Two problems as I see it (other than it's young and needs refinement): 1. The front tree is out of balance with the rest of the composition. I would try to find a much more interesting piece of material for the front that is more in line with rest of the whimsical (I mean this in a positive way) trees. I think by having a nicer tree and standing it up a little more, to fill in the whole in the middle of the composition, would create a more balanced design. 2. The tree on the right in the back has a nasty low branch going to the left. I might make a very short jin out of it. Although I may remove the entire top of this tree. (e.g. I am climbing up to the top of that ridge. That looks like a place the path goes and I can just see the foilage from the tops of the trees on the other side.) Yep, that's what I'd do. As John mentioned, a little thyme dangling down in a few more of those fissures would be nice. Deacon |
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11-Aug-2005
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#8 |
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Greybeard
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This composition is lacking drama. There is nothing here to make one go Wow!
This is a piece of pumice with some holes dug out and some shimpaku liners wedged in the holes. No attention to rules of artsitry were used in the planting of the trees. While some of the lower tree on their own may have worked, the trees at the top of the scene spoil the image. The shape of the rock is very uninteresting. It is basicly round and adds nothing to the composition. The pumice needs more sculpting, it needs more jaggedness. This stone looks as if it just tumbled down the river for 200 years and was picked up and planted in. Not the right image for a mountain planting. The plants seem to have had no work on them at all. They give a very juvenile feel to the composition and when coupled with the round rock and the pumice makes this work seem as though it was assembled two hours before the photo was taken. Al
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Real men don't wear coats with "happi" in the title. |
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12-Aug-2005
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#9 |
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bonsaiTALK Master Chief
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I agree with Al and Pootsie on this. My first impression was that of a lump of stone with a few too many young trees in it. The rock itself doesn't, for me anyway, convey that of a mountain top, its too smoothly contoured and lacks interest. As Al says, it needs carving and more jaggedness. It needs to feel like its been beaten the crap out of by the elements, not gently caressed by waters of a stream.
In addition, the lower trees look relatively windswept in their positioning. However those at the top look surprisingly tranquil in comparison. I would also expect to see some more shari's and deadwood on the trees, adding to the illusion of a harsh environment. The bottom tree on the right might also look quite nice semi cascading off the right hand side, once the rock had been carved more to resemble the side of a precipice or cliff face. As the wind appears to be sweeping from left to right in the composition, this would be a slight haven from the elements. Less is definately more, add interest to the rock allowing for the outline to be seen, and the trees need to match their environment better. All the best, Aaron N.B. Is that just one continuous tree on the right or two separate ones? |
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12-Aug-2005
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#10 | |
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Air Assault All The Way.
Join Date: Mar-2004
Location: Huntersville, NC (near Charlotte)
Country: USA
USDA Zone: 7-8
Posts: 1,692
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Quote:
Al, As usual, your opinion is very direct and unapologetic. I agree with you that this attempt needs work, but I think you are basing the "jaggedness" on a regional quality. I see the rock differently from my "regional" experience. Lots of mountain scenes here in NC do not suggest rugged, jagged rocks. They are much more gentle and well...worn. Maybe smooth is the right term. It seems when you approach the higher elevations, the "jagged" scenery increases, at least here. Of course, the foliage becomes sparser simultaneously. Maybe it's a perspective differing between a "hike" and a "climb". I like this rock. The foliage of the shimpaku material needs to be thickened and trained. More ground covering to make it "lush" would coincide with the smooth aspects of the stone....a more hospitable area, if you will. If that is done, the windswept appearance should be re-considered. The lowest tree looks like a "survivor" and I like that. The upper trees seem a little inconsistent with that since they should be having a rougher time of it. Some thought about if it is too "busy" at the top may be justified. That is a consideration that the owner should ponder. It could make a big difference in the composition's impact. Maybe it could "wow" you then. I agree there is work to be done, mostly additional effort at making the material look more established. But I do think there is something there to work with. Too much emphasis on the rock would distract from the overall design. Several people mentioned it "reminded" them of a place they'd been. Isn't that the essential point to this bonsai thing? Good critique though Al. It proves you do actually STUDY the subject. Warmest regards, John
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John Dixon Si vis pacem parabellum Stay off the trails of others, that's where the booby-traps are. |
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