Shinji Critique #6 - Monterey Pine

Jay

First branch on the right is too low

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A Bonsai student living with his trees at N 44.37 W 77.49...
Think before you act... then think again... no good comes from rushing

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Carl_Bergstrom

DISCLAIMER: I do not feel that I have put in the hours of study necessary to be qualified to engage in formal critique of bonsai displays. Nonetheless, for the purposes of this contest I will attempt to offer a few impressions.

One the positive side, this tree successfully captures the mood of its
natural counterparts, the old mist-fed Monterey pines along the
Californian coast. With its stable form but rounded corners, the pot
is well suited to the tree. The movement in the trunkline is
graceful, and the deeply furrowed, weathered bark is exquisite. The
tree has obviously enjoyed many years of exacting care, as revealed by
the compact foliage, green all the way in with fine branching along
each limb with the needles rising out upward like the fingers on a
upturned hand. The clearly visibility of the branching beneath each
foliage clump lends definition to the graceful curves. The upper
canopy of the tree is softly rounded as in old coastal pines and the
artist has wisely avoided excessive jin, which of course would not
persist long on a shore-dwelling pine.

On the negative side, the stand is a bit too small for the tree -
about 15% additional width would improve the overall composition. The
tree seems to be planted a bit low in the pot. Other than that, the
tree's positioning in the pot is good. The dipping lowest branches at
the left and right of the tree emerge at a similar level and drop to a
similar level, stopping the eye's movement as it follows the trunkline
upward. The apex itself seems rather indecisive in its movement - is
it echoing the emergence of the trunk to the right, or the first major
sweep of the trunk to the left? I would prefer to the apex provided
with a subtle shift to the right. One possible solution to many of
these problems would be remove the lower right-side branch that dips
down; though doing so would in turn require creation of open spaces in
the upper right-side canopy.

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In love with trees

Ralph

Powerful root base, beautiful bark. Perfect bonsai!

capobianco

Nice tree. Appears healthy and well groomed. Can't see any nebari in the photo. Two lower left branches are too big and too parallel. The stand is adequate.

Lesley

As a novice this tree looks perfect to me! But, I might remove the lowest branch on the right because it competes with those on the left and makes the tree too symmetrical. Lesley

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Ladybug