Shinji Critique #5 - Hackberry

Jay

Wonderful tree but too many crossing branches

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A Bonsai student living with his trees at N 44.37 W 77.49...
Think before you act... then think again... no good comes from rushing

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Carl_Bergstrom

DISCLAIMER: I do not feel that I have put in the hours of study necessary to be qualified to engage in formal critique of bonsai displays. Nonetheless, for the purposes of this contest I will attempt to offer a few impressions.

This hackberry offers an elegant image of a deciduous tree growing in
luxurient good fortune in a field or park. I find it interesting to
see a hackberry used to create such an image, instead of more common
material such as elm or zelkova. The nebarib (though somewhat weak on
the left) is generally elegant without being overbearing, and the
trunk seems to be exactly the right diameter so as to convey both
surprising grace in an upright, broom-style form.

While the hue of the pot does reflect the tree's bark, I feel that the
choice is not ideal. The color is somewhat too light of an earth-tone,
with too little contrast, to sufficiently ground the image. Either a
darker tone, a colored glaze, or even a glazed high-contrast off-white
would be preferable. While the lip of the pot does help visually
relieve the low-lying canopy, I find it distracting and too powerful
for the tree. Finally, pot seems at least 20% too deep.

The bull's-eye of moss around the trunk set off by the reddish gravel
further out captures the eye and interferes with the attempt at
conveying a pastoral image. Full cover with low, fine moss would be
ideal; full cover with gravel would be preferable to the current
mix. Either the tree is not exactly upright or the photographer had
one too many Bud Lights at lunch. In either case, the slight lean is
far more damaging to this style of tree than any other, because of the
visual instability that ensures from the heavy foliage mass not quite
centered above the pivot point of the nebari.

The visual weight of the canopy overwhelms that of pot and trunk. The
canopy sits too low, and extends to high. Judicious pruning could
remedy this substantially; I'd like to see the canopy at about 1/2 of
its present volume (approximately 2/3-3/4 of its present size along
each dimension). The branching is somewhat coarse and does not taper
out as finely as it could toward the ends of the branches; this
problem is exacerbated by a heavy frontward branch, the second on the
right side. I would prefer a better view of the early branching,
which is currently obscured by a few stray leaves. Given the lushness
of the intended image, I would prefer a more tightly manicured crown
all around. The stray leaves and branchlets poking out merely
distract.

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In love with trees

Ralph

This is not in a traditional style, never the less, excellent design, powerful nebari. Work on balancing canopy.

capobianco

Tree is top heavy and planted awkwardly. Needs to be tilted to the right, canopy thinned out, remove some, but not all of the crossing branches. Dead leaves removed, unless this is the California Fall Colors. Pot is excessive, no stand.

Lesley

To me, The crown looks a bit shaggy, stragglers need to be trimmed so that shape is cleaner. Some branches in the lower center could be thinned to show off the branch ramafication more. Lesley

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Ladybug