Shinji Critique #4 - Needle Junipers

bonsaial1

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<hr>Species - Needle Juniper
Style - Forest
Artist - Chuck Nelson

Shinji as translated by Hideko:

"In this display the artist has correctly put the largest tree in front while showing smaller trees in the back for depth. The display shows great imagery and gives the feeling that this is a place that one would like to walk into and sit and relax for a while."

Things to change:
1. The central tree has a jinned top. More of the other trees need to have tops like this to carry the theme on through out the display.
2. The stones ( while hard to see..sorry) need to be placed in the display with the largest in front and getting smaller to the rear. Carry the theme of larger in the foreground and smaller in the rear with trees and stones too.
3. No accent. ( note, the accent was removed from the display before the exhibit was even open. The artist brought it and decided that he too thought it was very crowded. Since I had taken the picture before its removal, I included it as a critique, though not pointed out by Shinji.

Audiance questions, are the stones appropriate. Shinji: " the stones are found with trees throughout nature. When they are included they should be placed as though nature did it and they should follow the same rules of composition." Shinji thought except for the size reversal that the stones had been placed very natural and that the moss placement was done very well, "like it had grown there for years". ( probably had)

Attached Images

foeminajuniper.jpg (65.1 KB, 236 views)

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Bart Thomas(deceased)

I like this forest very much.

Having said that, I question whether the hard-cornered pot is appropriate. Perhaps it would be better in an oval tray, or on a slab.

Nor can I understand (from this photo) the purpose of the stone in the planting,

I feel that the accent plant, being so close, does nothing but clutter the overall effect.

pdbbonsai

The rear center of the composition needs to have as much foliage as the trees to the right of center.

The Nr 1 tree and Nr 2 tree are planted in a parallell (so it seems) with each other from the front of the pot. This aside, The Nr 1 tree seems way outta proportion to the other trees in the forest. The nr 2 tree should be the nr 1 and the current nr 1 should be removed.

The rocks or whatever that is on the soil should be removed and or replaced with smaller ones, perhaps to create a dry creek bed or something more natural to this composition.

Paul

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David Yedwab

wonderful composition. Except do not understand the rocks nor the accent plant. Might also want to thin foliage on tops a bit to balance the appearance. Great job to keep balanced, identity, movement so well

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dbz12fan

I would finish off the triangle of this tree by bringing the lowest left handed branch on the far left tree a bit farther out.

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Charles Bevan
Vero Beach, Fl

clrosner

A well manicured forest, however the rocks in the center of the pot disturb me.... I wish the forest wasn't so manicured.

Carl L. Rosner

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DavidN

Needle junipers No.4
This group lacks space. It is seemed to be cramped into this pot too much and there needs to be more empty space on both sides. An oval unglazed pot would be a suggestion and there should be more space on the right side than the left side. Give the right side extra empty space.
The large rocks are not required to be part of the display and should be removed.
The main tree is too far to the left of the planting and should be moved more to the right of the display. It should end up close to where the second largest tree currently is located.
More trees are required on the left side that are smaller than the current furthest left tree. There needs to be several trees added here that taper down in trunk size very similar to what is happening on the right hand side of the group. However the smallest tree on the left would not be smaller than the smallest tree on the right where the right side could possible use a couple more even smaller trees than what is currently there.
The No.1 and No.2 trees should be closer together if possible.
Possibly a new No.3 tree should be place in the right side composition where the current rock path leads up to a tree. That tree should be replaced with a slightly thicker trunk tree.
So with the suggestions above you have almost created two separate groups now, the left and right side. The left side contains the No.1 and No.2 trees while the right contains the No.3 tree. Both groups are basically triangular in shape and when brought together will form a new triangle in shape. When these two groups are brought together you will need to leave a small space between the two groups which is like a path through the woods. The space will be a bit larger than the current space that is indicated by the rock path in the middle of the planting.
The jin on the main tree is not required either. If you will be using the jinned tree then it should not be to only one that is jinned. More of the trees should be jinned if you have your No.1 tree jinned.
The group also seemed to be planted back in this pot. Bring it slightly more forward in the new oval pot.
Possibly use a few smaller trees in the back of the left hand group to add a bit more depth. Also a couple of smaller tree on the left hand side front would be useful.

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Colin Lewis

A pretty darn good forest a la Goshin - kinda - but oh dear, those rocks really do spoil it.

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Lui

the main tree should be buried a little deeper or a rock should be used next to it to disguise the absence of roots on the right side also by burying it a bit the bar effect with #2 tree would go away.
too many crossing trees on the right side make it too busy.
the rocks should be semi buried (planted to give them more balance.