Shinji Critique #3 - Black Pine

bonsaial1

NOTE: This post is part of a contest!

1. Entries in this forum are invisible until they have been moderated by Al Keppler, contest coordinator, and will probably not be revealed until the contest ends!

2. To get the rules and overview, Click Here

3. To see the other contest displays, Click Here

Here is the display. Attach your entry for this display right here. Remember - it won't appear 'til bonsaiAl reveals it!
Species - Japanese Black Pine
Style - Slanting Bunjingi
Artist - Hideko Metaxas


Shinji as translated by Hideko ( this must have been awkward)
" this tree needs to be bunjin! Bunjin are trees or persons that live in harsh conditions ie., seashore or windy mountains.
This tree has a " aged elegance" and is feminine in character.
1. this tree needs many spaces between the branches.
2. The first branch needs to be split into two branches.
3. the foliage needs to be reduced by half, and needle plucked.

The question was brought up about the straight jin sticking up on the lower trunk, the person said that here in America we would probably take that off. Shinji gave long pause and said.." we would do that in Japan too..."

Attached Images

slantingpine.jpg (29.1 KB, 239 views)

__________________
Olympic Gold Medals:
China-43
USA-26
Great Britain-16

Total medal leader: USA with 79
The winningest Olympian of all time, USA's Michael Phelps with 8 gold medals
Medals stolen from US due to skewed judging-2

Advertisement

Bart Thomas(deceased)

While I revere Hideko's work, I feel that this tree would fell better balanced with less foliage, particularly on the right side.

Perhaps the tree would be more a bunjin with some of the lower (particularly on the right) blances removed.

pdbbonsai

The pot and first 15 inches of trunk are beautiful. Once you get into the canopy, it seems like it is hits a dead end. I would open up the canopy more, searching for a "less is more" styled literati.

Thats all with this one.

Paul

__________________
It is essential to experience all the times and moods of one good place. (Thomas Merton)

BonsaiTalk is one good place. (me)

David Yedwab

Feeling of great majesty. Wold ike to see foliage base more parallel to ground or more slant to tree to affect the same. Unsure about the jin on the top right of the trunk base?

__________________
David Yedwab

dbz12fan

I would use a shallower and wider pot.

__________________
"Success demands understanding"-Andy Rutledge

Charles Bevan
Vero Beach, Fl

clrosner

a perfectly balanced design.....

Carl L. Rosner

__________________
Carl L. Rosner - near Atlantic City zone 6/7
arteacher3725@yahoo.com

CHECK OUT MY UPDATED WEBSITE AT[B]:
www.carlrosner.com

DavidN

Black Pine No.3
Tree is not balanced. The foliage looks too heavy for the slender trunk. Foliage needs to be reduced if attempting literati or whatever else style. The whole tree looks like it will topple over any minute. The pot is too small for the current tree however with the reduce foliage it would be a better match however I would go for a different pot with this tree. A flatter round with feet would be a possible choice. The top needs to be redesigned.
The shari is nice. The roots look a bit of a mess from this angle. The bulge on the left hand side of the roots is not attractive
There is something sticking up from the lower part of the trunk which should not be there.

__________________
Bonsai Northwest Inc, Melbourne, Australia

Bonsai Flora Nursery in Yarraville, Melbourne

Colin Lewis

Hard to distinguish foliage from shadow in the picture, but it seems that the crown is too bulky for the tiny pot and the trunk configuration. Makes the whole thing look unstable. Either reduce the top or use a wider, more stable pot.

__________________

COLIN LEWIS
www.bonsaideals.com
www.bonsaiforum.com

Lui

I would remove the little jin at the base.
Though it is an engineering feat being able to keep the tree from falling the heavy top gives that impression. makes it unstable to me. I would consider thinning out the top a lot.