Shinji Critique #1 - Shohin Display

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Here is the display. Attach your entry for this display right here. Remember - it won't appear 'til bonsaiAl reveals it!
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Species - Kishu Shimpaku, Trident Maple, Boxwood, Shimpaku
Style - Group Display
Artist - Al Keppler



Shinji as translated by Hideko:

" I can tell that this bonsai person takes extra special care of his/her trees. This person has chosen to display all the trees that are his /her best in their collection. This person wanted to show all his best stuff! When shohin bonsai are displayed on a rack, the trees must be placed to tell some sort of story. The collection is part of a scene and must be presented as such. When displaying bonsai on a rack, small stands for the individual trees can be used but are generaly not used. These trees are a little large for the rack and are overpowering somewhat.

things that should be changed:
1. The juniper on the top is correct in placement, it is a high mountain type tree in a semi-cascade shape.
2.The trident is lower because it is a lowland type tree. It would be found in a meadow or gully.
3.The juniper in the middle is out of place because two trees of the same type should not be placed on the stand together.
4. The boxwood on top should be removed from the top and replaced with the stone. It would represent a mountain and should therefore be higher then the boxwood.
5. The boxwood would be lower for the reason stated for the Trident.
6. All the pots are round in shape. The pots should be varied in shape and color. ( Thats why I have been buying rectangle pots!)
7. Replace open space in the middle with accent plant,ie, drygrass or fall planting, or bronze representation of lowland type animal ie, deer or grasshopper or cranes.
8. Display conveys overall pleasing scene after refinement. ( I am very proud, Shinji clearly worked on this display for almost half an hour moving things around and explaining in detail all the reasons why)

Attached Images

shohingroup.jpg (65.1 KB, 326 views)

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Bart Thomas(deceased)

My first reaction is that the trees and stone are somewhat large for the display stand. It has a feeling of being crowded.

I feel that the trident would do better with more taper, and the shimpaku is dangerously close to bar-branching.

(Having said that, I'd be happy to own the trees.

pdbbonsai

I torn with this display. With the exception for the suiseki, I would not have the trees displayed on additional wood stands. In my minds eye, it seems a little cluttered.

Tree in bottom center of display has some (appears) to be bar branching. hard to tell.

Cant really give much more.

Paul

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David Yedwab

lovely composition but, distracted by the magnificent wood - stands overpowers the trees. Not sure if the flow around the composition could be helped with better grooming on the top and bottom junipers -- they stop my eye movementin a up and down way.

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dbz12fan

I think the semi-cascade shimpaku (sorry for my ignorance on the different types of shimpaku, I dont work with them much) should be put into a square pot that is deeper.

I would put the boxwood in a lighter color pot.

The trident just needs a bit of time, and it will look great. Possibly a shallower pot would look better.

The lowest shimpaku would look better in a shallower more oval pot.

The suiseki is beautiful.

Overall, the display was well placed.

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Charles Bevan
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clrosner

A well thought out display. The eye moves from the far right and is carried up to the top cascade and then down to the next level. The tree on the left upper level is like an arrow pointing down to the susuki below and finally the eye wanders to the center tree.

Carl L. Rosner

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DavidN

Shohin Display No.1
Firstly you shouldn’t use round pots for all the displays.
The suiseki should not be placed in the stand and should be placed on the table as you would an accent plant.
The use of individual stands for four of the items is over doing it. Usually you would not need individual display stand for each tree when you have a larger stand to accommodate all the trees.
The Middle stand part( the tallest part of the stand) should be even more taller in size.
The boxwood in this composition is not in the right spot. The Shimpaku juniper at the top should be in the position of the boxwood. The boxwood could possibly look better in the place of the semi cascade juniper.
The small juniper in the bottom middle would look better where the suiseki currently is. A nice small literati should of taken its place in the bottom middle alcove.
The trident maple should not be higher than the bench on the left. That’s where the taller middle stand or the no use of the individual stands would have helped.
Taken the above into account a more triangular overall shape would have been formed.
Nice trees though.

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Colin Lewis

Trees are generally too heavy for the confined space allowed by the stand. The top tree (han-kengai) should be hanning (scuse the pun) over the lower section of the stand on the right. Use of individual stands unnecessary and clutters the effect.

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Jonny D

This shonin display is nice, each of the trees looks to have had good attention payed to it, are good individual trees and all are healthy. However the upper two most trees are mounded in there respective pots suggesting that a large rootmass is present, that may as yet not be as the artist desires, and detracts from these two trees (this more present in the boxwood than the juniper as the juniper has more nebari to be shown). The centre juniper may also benefit from a different pot choice to something more shallow although round seems appropriate. the foliage mass of this tree may also benefit from a slight reduction (although this could be the photo).

The overall compostion of the display is good, the trident particulalry looks good and appropriate being the largest tree in the display and being to one side does not over influence the rest of the trees. However, the switching of the viewing stone and the boxwood round (so that the boxwood is on the bottom and the viewing stone on the top) may benefit the composition especially as the semi-cascade juniper would be directed toward the viewing stone, and force the eye to this part of the display, at current my eye does not seem to notice the suzuki enough which is a shame as it is a beautiful stone.