Fighting off discouragement

Joanie

Jaded old goats? Laughing.....

Hmmm......

Having BEEN the bloated, hormonal, red-eyed expectant mother..... twice.... there really is no good advice on how to balance her and your trees. You have to be sensitive, because there will be times when her frustration will peak and you will be the safe one for her to dump on. She can't help it. Her hormones are like a big chunky stew, different things float to the top and she can't always control what her emotions are. Just be solid for her. Remember that she is producing an incredible miracle at the temporary cost of her sanity. A hug always works. Always. Be helpful but spend a little quiet time away with your trees, too. Be thoughtful and learn a few things that make her relax, or make her day easier. Just a few. Don't disappear to play with your trees when it is reasonable to expect that she is going to need your help or your comfort....do it early in the morning, or in the mid afternoon when things get quiet. As long as you maintain your trees for now, things will settle down eventually and you will find a new equilibrium. The trees only get better with time.

Oh, and foot massages help too. Get a nice scented oil or lotion. We all have pressure points in our feet that are directly connected to our brains, rubbing feet relaxes us like nothing else. If you tell her how happy your trees make you, and make little chitchat like that while rubbing her feet (be subtle now!!) she will be more inclined to view your time with them in a positive way. Most wives grumble about their hubbys being in the workshop or yard or whatever, but it's generally a good natured grumbling and they would rather have them at home than out. Just like you guys grumble about our shopping or redecorating....

You're in for the most wonderful aspect of your life, enjoy and savor,

Joanie

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John Dixon

Well, ID'd as a "jaded old goat" (apparently) by another poster , there is also one other piece of advice I have for you.

There is nothing wrong with letting your wife know, up front, how much she can control about you. As a matter of fact, I recommend it. I dearly love my wife of twenty-one years, but she also realizes she does not have complete control over me, and I reciprocate with the same respect. If that is realized early enough in the relationship it can eliminate a lot of future problems. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her, but she has to "tolerate" some wants of mine from time-to-time. In the grand scheme of things involvement in bonsai is such an innocent and unobtrusive pursuit it surprises me how anyone could be "jealous" of it.

Now a pregnant woman is a very sensitive situation. You may have to wait to discuss some things, but eventually you will need to address them. Unless you have an extensive collection, I don't see how bonsai could be such an issue with her right now. But of course, you know her much better than I (or anybody else here) ever will. You have already shown that you value your family above all else, and that is commendable.

No disrespect was meant to you or your wife.

John

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John Dixon

Si vis pacem parabellum

Stay off the trails of others, that's where the booby-traps are.

malhomme

Jeremy,

Bonsai is not your only avenue for meditation. The gate to the pure land is everywhere! As you know from your Sangha, kinhin (walking) is Zen meditation. Cooking is Zen meditation. Cleaning your house is Zen meditation. The opportunities to meditate are all around you, not just seated zazen. If this is true, what then is "substitute-meditation"?

I would venture to say that preparing the way for your child is the greatest opportunity that you have presented to you. This does not mean indulging in artistic whims, but loving the mother of your child and filling your home with compassion. The whole universe popped out of Emptiness to rest a while in the belly of your wife! This is the greatest zazen.

Cheers,
Jim

malhomme

Jeremy,

Goodness! So many members of this forum offered their heartfelt advice. Are you going to participate?

Kind regards,
Jim

robert1955

Humm, pregnant wives? I won't even go there, but I'll post pictures of my scars.
Just kidding, I won't post them.[img]images/btsmilies/wink.gif[/img]

Really, my wife tells me if I'm happy shes happy. Been at it for 31 years and most of it with bonsai.

Peace
Bob

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The older you get, the older old is.

Lesley

My problem is time... since July 5th I've been swamped with my kid's highschool Marching Band, I'm the nurse, on the board and the chief cook & bottle washer; I barely have time to water my trees let alone talk to you guys, especially Joanie whom I met at the end of June ... Whew. Last time I posted weeks ago! Hi Joanie! Hi BonsaiTalk! I promise to keep in touch ...

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Ladybug

Joanie

Lesley, I wondered where you were! Yes, Band is in full swing. You have SO much to do, how in the world do you get it all done Well, it'll calm down around....hmmmm... Christmas.

Oh, yes, that's another thing.... as your kids grow they have different needs for each stage. As soon as it's bye-bye poopy diapers, it's hello reading nights and counting games.... school..... the next time you look around, you find that they are almost grown. Where does the time go?

Good to hear from you Lesley!

Joanie