Fighting off discouragement

zen

Hey you guys i'm finding it harder and harder to ward off the evil "your wasting your time" bug. My wife is not only not interested in bonsai in the least but she says it's mean and not a good productive way to spend my time. We just found out last week that she is pregnant and now more than ever I want to be the best artist that I can so that my child might know the love of nature and can find the peace of mind and spirit that I find in bonsai,...but being as I belong to no club ,make verry little money,and have alot of things on my mind right now,...I am finding myself waning in interest in bonsai,...Does this happen to other people? What do I do? I know that bonsai is a good thing for me as it has become more and more difficult to make myself find the time to meditate, it has become a sort of "substitue-meditation" for me,...it helps to keep me somewhat centered. I do not want to give up on bonsai but with no encouragement and alot of disscouragement,...it's getting so i don't know what I want anymore. I thought if anyone can keep me on the right path it would be you guys. Thanks for listening. Jeremy M.-C.

__________________
"Although profoundly "inconsequential," the Zen experience has consequences in the sense that it may be applied in any direction, to any conceivable human activity, and that wherever it is so applied it lends an unmistakable quality to the work."

~ Alan Watts (1915-1973)

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agraham

Jeremy,

It happens to me all the time.I don't know how to encourage you except to say that i have struggled for more than 30 years with the waxing and waining of my availability of time and money for, and interest in bonsai.This forum has been the best thing that ever happened to my bonsai.It gives me encouragement,inspiration and community.I wish it had been around 30 years ago when i was struggling in a bonsai wasteland and wondering why in the hell i was still trying to accomplish anything bonsai wise.

Find a club or at least a friend that you can share your love of bonsai with....or maybe we in here will be those friends.I am a loner by nature and enjoy my time alone with my trees,but without some discourse and connection with others it becomes damn difficult to remain enthused.

Family IS the most important thing,but you don't have to share all interests(my wife in general could care less about my trees).Hopefully, yours can see that bonsai is something you enjoy and that IS important to your emotional well being and in turn to your relationship.

best of luck to you,and hang in there,

andy

mike_p

Jeremy, somehow there must be a way to make your wife understand that bonsai enriches your life, and in so doing may make you a better person, and consequently a better husband and father. There is also the benefit that it requires you to be at home taking care of your trees.
My wife doesn't do bonsai, but she likes plants and horticulture, and has always been supportive. Also she says, maybe joking maybe not. that she knows I'll always come home, because she won't water the bonsai.
Anyway, don't give it up even if you have to put it on the "back burner" for awhile.

Best wishes

Mike

__________________
Nature is perfect.
Man's attempts to improve nature,
Are imperfect.
MP@BBB Studio

There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way
Gautama Buddha

BrianBay9

I think for most of us find our attention to bonsai wanes on occassion, depending on outside demands on our time. Boy, having a baby will pile on the demands too! My wife recognizes that bonsai and my other hobbies keep me happier than I am without them. I think she realizes that if I have a stroke, my contributions to the family would .....well, let's say not improve. Anything to keep the blood pressure down. She does, however, demand a limit to my hobby time. We regularly negotiate that amount of time.

Assuming she knows your bonsai makes you more relaxed and pleasant to be around, my advice would be to reach a compromise on the time and money you can apply...and make sure you stick to it. When she's in her third trimester, you can bet you'll need to renegotiate. And when the baby comes, do it again.

You need to convince her though that bonsai is not cruel. My wife still cringes when I severely prune....

Good luck
Brian

__________________
There's a difference between taking your art seriously, and taking yourself too seriously.

TpaBayFlyFisher

Most, if not all of us have been in a similar situation. But, do not forget that the idea behind any hobby [yes for most of us it is just a hobby] is to derive pleasure from it. If you enjoy the time you spend with your trees, your wife should understand. Remember you don't have to own the Naka collection you only need to find material that allows you to express your skills. That is available all around us.

A well-known fishing expert told me a story once to illustrate how to "negotiate" with your spouse so that you could buy a new fly rod-but I use it on trees too. One need only take the loved one to her closet [or sewing room or china collection.........] and hold her hand and say in a truly loving voice, "Honey just look at all those beautiful shoes [rolls of fabric, plates, well you get the idea]. I love the fact that we are able to have them because I know that each one is special and you deserve them all. And, I love the fact that you realize that my trees are the same to me." At that point no wife could say no...........unless she has already hired a divorce lawyer!

Ralph

I get it all the time from my better half: "Does your hobby make us money?"

With that said, she is tolerant of the costs that I have put into it, be cuase she realizes that any hobby or sport that I would participate in would involve some form of financial investment. They all do; golf, fishing, whatever. She also realizes to have an enriched life, one has to have distractions from work, and the day to day tasks of life.

Bonsai will either be enough of a passion in you that it will keep your interest, or it will not. You will find something else. Finding others to meet in the flesh that share your interest will keep it more inetersting. I have also found it helps to set up small goals. Look for area to collect, building display areas, grow beds, etc. I sit down, and try to make a list of all the small goals for a year. Then as the year progresses, I try to meet each of them, refining, and modifying as I go. It has worked well for me so far.

__________________
Emerging from winter slumber
Bonsai trees burst buds anew
Spring is upon us!


-Paul S.

Vance Wood

There are two truths in life. A man can never really understand a woman, and a man can never get close to understanding a pregnant one. Just ask her if she would rather you sat in front of the TV every Monday, and Sunday sluriping beer and watching football followed by the same routine for college ball, basket ball, baseball, curling, Rugby, Canadian Football, Socker, and The Man Show? Then follow all of this up with going to the bar every Saturday night with the boys? Of course there is the ever popular girl chasing. I think she will chose bonsai.

However you want to know what the real problem is? She is envious of the time you spend with your trees. You need to spend quality time with her, especially now while she is on this hormonal roller coaster.

__________________
The only finished bonsai is a dead one; me 1992 MABA Des Moines Iowa

taipan(deceased)

Hi Ralph...Well its not mean to help a tree live up to 3 times longer than an average tree in nature...That's what I tell my wife...But then again she loves bonsai and is also pregnant.

As to the wasted time and productivity question you could always turn it into a sideline business...Try doing a little Asian landscaping for friends...Works for me...

Join a club...or find a bonsai buddy....and keep doing bonsai for your kids sake.

My two daughters aged 4 and 6 love playing around my trees with their toy fairies. They both have their own collection and help me trim my trees when I like it or not...and I firmly believe they are getting the best upbringing on the planet helping me in the rainforest and beaches collect trees and ideas for trees.

Happy growing
Tai

susieq

Greetings Zen,
I read your post with interest..... I have some questions for you. Does your wife have any hobbies or interests? ( I realize that there are people out there with no outside interests, just house/job/kids) If she had any hobbies are you supportive of them?

Speaking from my own experience, my husband was not very supportive of my outside interests until he actually had some of his own. Until then, he did not understand at all and we fought quit a bit. That was 30+ years ago.
Over the years he developed several hobbies and now we support each other's interests and understand how important they are to us.

As for losing interest in a hobby, two things have done that for me in the past. The first was just plain burn out. I had so many trees to take care of at one point that I just gave up and all but got out of the hobby. Lesson learned. The other thing that caused me to want to give up a hobby was lack of progress or not learning anything new about the hobby. Classes, clubs, friends who enjoy the hobby with you, what ever......keeps the interest up and the hobby fresh. I hope the posts from all of your "friends" here on Bonsai Talk helps you with your problem. The money part of the hobby is there no matter what hobby you pursue but you don't have to spend a lot of money to enjoy bonsai. You just have to be very selective.
Best wishes
susieq