Bonsai as a Verb

Vance Wood

I wrote this little piece of fluff a number of years ago. I promised Victrinia that if I could find it in my stack of stuff and fluff I would post it.

BONSAI AS A VERB

The English language as practiced by Americans is quite different than that practiced by residents of the UK. Americans have a tendency to make verbs out of nouns, and in this case the noun bonsai is often used as a verb, as in the question: Can I bonsai this tree? I am going to bonsai this tree. We are going to bonsai these trees. I bonsai ed this tree. However looking into almost any reputable dictionary it will be noted that bonsai is indeed a noun, or a pronoun but never a verb. But we Americans are never daunted by convention, if we want to use bonsai as a verb by golly we are going to it as a verb.

This practice opens up some rather interesting, if not humorous, possibilities. I saw him bonsaiing on the veranda. Nature bonsaied this tree, and of course my very favorite; go bonsai yourself. Any time you have a verb there is the opportunity to use that verb in an insult or innuendo. His argument bonsais reason. I have to bonsai. To bonsai or not to bonsai, or I don't give a bonsai.

As to my favorite, go bonsai yourself, there are some real interesting ramifications to this little epithet. Unlike many epithets where the verb in question is usually not repeatable in mixed or gentile company the visual image is unmistakable and simple. The listener to one of these common epithets is not usually left with questions in their minds as to what is meant; not so with the verb bonsai. Bonsai in this context; go bonsai yourself, or in the classical sense; go bonsai thy self which is also one of my favorites, demands contemplation and not just a simple if not similar response from the recipient of such a remark. In fact the uninitiated to the art form may be at a loos to find an appropriate response any more intelligent than your mother wears army boots, or the trite and more trite-----well you too!

The magical thing about using bonsai in the above context is the necessity that the recipient of the epithet must understand a bit about bonsai before they even understand that they have been insulted. It becomes necessary at this point to analyze just what it means to be bonsaied. In order for someone to be bonsaied it is necessary that they first be forcibly removed from their natural environment, usually while they are sleeping.

This is done with a shovel, spade, or mattocks. I have even heard of some very adventurous collectors using small bits of explosives. Sometimes under the right conditions removal may be accomplished by simply grabbing by the head and pulling upward and outward. The bottom portion is then cleaned of all remains of the original environment by shaking vigorously, or by having those items removed with a stick or some other tool. The object of the bonsai process then has its taproot clipped as short as possible.

A pot or container is then prepared with very coarse dirt and gravel and the bonsai candidate is tied or wired into the pot or container snugly so as not to move in the wind or earthquakes, if the location is prone to such events. Then more soil is piled around the bonsai candidate of the same nature and quality of the soil in the pot or container. It is necessary that this additional soil be carefully packed around the bottom of the bonsai candidate to eliminate air pockets. This is usually done with a sharp stick and care is taken to make sure every hole is probed and filled with this gritty mix.

Once the bonsai candidate is firmly anchored in the container, snug and cozy in the gritty soil, it is watered with cold water several times to make sure the soil is settled and that there are no air pockets. In the event there is evidence of air pockets more soil must be added and firmed into place, again with a sharp stick. The bonsai candidate is then placed in a shady location out doors for two to six weeks.

If the bonsai candidate survives this initial process it is feed some sort of manure, usually in liquid form. In a couple of weeks of sitting in wind and rain the bonsai candidate is ready for bonsai training.

The beginning of this process is pruning and wiring. Unwanted limbs and branches are removed with very sharp pruning tools. Sometimes the bonsaist decides that he does not want to remove these items totally but will instead leave stubs that can be converted to driftwood elements and coated with a foul smelling product called Lime Sulfur. This product causes the stubs it is applied to, to turn white. If the limb is to be totally removed it is often done with a special tool that not only cuts flat to the source but in fact leaves a depression in that source to facilitate a flat scar.

What limbs and appendages remain, need to be bent and twisted into traditional bonsai shapes. This is done normally by using either copper or aluminum wire in varying weights and strengths to make these appendages conform to what often can be seen as rather twisted and bent shapes. The wire is tightly wrapped around the limbs and appendages that need to be shaped which allows the bonsaiist to pretty much make those limbs and appendages go in any direction he or she desires. The bonsai candidate is then clipped and pruned some more for shape. Once more it is returned to the bench in the weather to recover.

As the transition into a bonsai proceeds it becomes necessary to pinch the bonsai candidate. Pinching is very important and insures that the bonsai candidate develops as the bonsaist intends. As the bonsai candidate grows the pinching process can go on all year. It is placed once more on the bench and left to the mercies of the weather. It is fed again with the same liquid manure and often dusted with some sort of insecticide.

In a couple of years the bonsai candidate has need that the whole process be repeated. This process is continual and ongoing for many years.

And so------this is what it means to be bonsaied.

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The only finished bonsai is a dead one; me 1992 MABA Des Moines Iowa

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irene_b

Sweeeeeet!

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Student of Life
Student of Nature

"From bonsai we receive peace of mind, health and a life’s pursuit. We can also learn generosity, patience and even philosophy about life. We can also have the good fortune to make friends of all nationalities and races with whom we share a mutual trust and respect. This is all thanks to bonsai." "Saburo Kato"




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waltseed

So now some one can explain what it means to be jinned or sharied, in case those nouns are ever verbed.

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Waltseed

zen

I use bonsai as a verb, but then to each his bonsai.

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"Although profoundly "inconsequential," the Zen experience has consequences in the sense that it may be applied in any direction, to any conceivable human activity, and that wherever it is so applied it lends an unmistakable quality to the work."

~ Alan Watts (1915-1973)

tachigi

Well I'll be bonsaied! Good thread Vance

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Tom

Shady Side Bonsai
Bonsai Vault
4MAAT

ElGringo

I suppose it follows the basic principlesof bonsai, 'to bonsai' is to train roots and branches, and to maintain the tree in a pot so that it looks aestetically pleasing, so I suppose it is correct to 'bonsai a tree'.

So I should say: I'm going to make this tree into a bonsai, I made this branch into a jin, I scraped away some bark to make shari on the trunk. Another thing is that Americans use 'able' as an adjective, i.e. to say ''it's do-able''. And you spell 'colour' and 'mould' differently.

Then again, where English is pretty unilateral across the whole of the States, there are a massive number of dialects in the UK. A lot of people are starting to use American terminology which they have picked up from TV programmes from the U.S. such as 'Friends'. Personally I like 'Scrubs'. I'm going to watch it now->

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Richard

Victrinia_Ensor

Vance.... I just love it... I got such a huge chuckle out of it!!! What a fun sense of humor you have my friend...

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Ms. Vic

Le belle cose prendono tempo...

www.elandangardens.com

bonsaikc

To quote Calvin, "Verbing weirds words."

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Sashi-no-eda.blogspot.com

Vance Wood

Thanks Ms. V. most people think I am rude, crude, mean, nasty, stupid, dense, full of $#!+, out to lunch, one can short of a six pack, two sails into the wind, self righteous, self indulgent, arrogant, self centered, egotistical, too heavenly minded to be any earthly good, living in a dream world. Having said that I am worthy of stoning, burning at the stake, keel hauling, burning in effigy, hanging, drawing and quartering, the death of a thousand cuts, staking to an ant mound, staking to a tree, dropped from ten-thousand feet onto concrete, and stepped on by an elephant.

All in all I am pleased you got a chuckle out of it. It was fun to write at the time, and the fact you liked it made it worth the effort to find the thing and post.

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The only finished bonsai is a dead one; me 1992 MABA Des Moines Iowa