Hello Robert,
I agree with the other two chaps, and additionally...
The main problem I see is that your trunks are too tall and the planting is not wide enough.
If you want to have a scene like the island you show then you need to think of scale. It would help to make your planting much wider, tripling or even quadrupling the number of trunks and increasing the pot size accordingly. Or, you could reduce the height of the trunks, but then they would be too thick and ruin the effect.
The natural scene you show is probably made up of a hundred or more closely growing trunks. Now, it would be difficult to achieve this same amount and closeness in a medium sized bonsai planting. You might need to make it 4 or 5 feet wide to get somewhere near.
It is not often realised that many of the bonsai we see in books and magazines that have such great detail in them are very large bonsai. That's partly how they are able to have such fine detail.
The other way to acheive what you want would be to use very thin immature seedlings. That way you could pack in the detail and still have a smallish planting. But, I assume that you would like to use the material you present as a starting point and would not want to start all over again
Do you have a larger version of tha lake scene? I like to collect pictures of trees in nature.
Best of luck with this project!
Regards,
Chris.