K.A. Rutledge

Hi Jay,

This is a good topic. I don't believe that it involves an issue of respect of politeness. They don't seem to help. These concepts vary greatly between individuals and simple misunderstanding and chips on shoulders causes them to often be rendered moot. What is more of an issue, I believe, is the counterintuitive way that most participants read into the words of others.

By way of example, let me now share some of what I have learned in online interactive gallery forums. Here is an online forum glossary that you may find helpful:

Bonsai – 1. Any plant in any pot. 2. The non-artistic endeavor of container gardening.

Specimen Bonsai – 1. Any plant in a nice pot. 2. A bonsai that is owned by an elitist jerk (see "Elitist Jerk").

Good bonsai – A bonsai grown by a person who really loves his or her bonsai.

High Quality – 1. An irrelevant concept in bonsai. 2. The kind of a bonsai that is owned by someone who really really loves his or her bonsai.

Opinion – 1. Everything that anyone writes in an online forum. 2. An element of discussion that is above reproach and not subject to facts or accuracy.

Fact – An irrelevancy; facts are not known by mere mortals (who are you to say what "is" and what "isn't"?).

Correction of an inaccuracy – A personal attack.

Instruction – 1. Pontification. 2. Grandstanding by an elitist jerk (see "Elitist Jerk"). 3. A personal attack.

Helpful advice – 1. Advice that is in accord with the preconceptions and desires of those who ask for advice. 2. Advice that is in accord with the majority of neophyte discussion list participants. 3. Advice offered by a nice person (see "Nice").

Helpful Individual – 1. A person who frequently offers advice that is in accord with the wishes and preconceptions of those who ask for advice.

Elitist Jerk – 1. One who offers honest advice to those who ask for advice. 2. One who has a rudimentary understanding of bonsai technique. 3. One whose opinion differs from the consensus among neophyte discussion list participants. 4. One who shares facts (when we all know it’s nothing more than opinion).

Criticism – 1. Relevant advice or observations from an elitist jerk (see "Elitist Jerk"). 2. A personal attack. 3. The really, really, really bad form of advice (see also "Mean"). 4. Advice that is offered by a mean person (see "Mean").

Constructive Criticism – 1. An irrelevant and non-existent concept. 2. Observations offered by a nice person that is in accord with the preconceptions and desires of the one reading the observations.

Hobbyist – 1. One who grows bonsai (see "Bonsai") for the right reasons. 2. One who asks for advice in an effort to receive affirmation of preconceptions. 3. The good guys, the nice people. 4. The true bonsai people - those who understand that bonsai is not an artistic endeavor.

Bonsai Artist – 1. One who has written a bonsai book. (See also "Elitist Jerk.") 2. One whose desire it is to put beginners in their rightful place. 3. A hobbyist who has left the path of wisdom and who has an over inflated self image.

Nice – 1. (advice) Advice that is in accord with the preconceptions and desires of those who ask for advice. 2. (person) A person whose advice is always in accord with the preconceptions and desires of those who asks for advice.

Mean – 1. (advice) Advice that is not in accord with the preconceptions and desires of those who ask for advice. 2. (person) A person whose advice is not always in accord with the preconceptions and desires of those who ask for advice.


For those who would desire to help others learn in an online discussion forum, there are some key phrases that need translation. Know these translations before you attempt to help or offer advice:

Some commonly offered observations and bits of advice with their inferred online forum translations:

"You need to move your juniper from your coffee table to an outdoor location." - Translation: "You are a horrible person and lack the talent to grow bonsai. Further, I do not like you."

"Your living in an apartment limits what species you can easily grow." - Translation: "You poor little person. You can't even afford a house and you expect to grow bonsai?! Get thee hence!"

"I wouldn't advise that you start styling that tree yet. It would be best if you planted it in a growing box or in the ground for a couple of years." - Translation: "You are a speck of a person, not worthy of this grand art, as represented by my example."

"That is a young piece of material. Given time, it could be a cool looking bonsai." - Translation: "Ha! What a piece of crap! You obviously don't know what you're doing. Perhaps one day you will be a bonsai guru, like me."

"The taper of the trunk could be improved if you cut it back to the third branch." - Translation: "You are such a horrible person. I don't know why I even bother to stoop to your level. Now, go and burn your horrid tree."


Some questions you will encounter:

"What do you think I should do with this tree?" – (caution!) Translation: "Please tell me that this is a great tree and that I’m a wonderful person."

"What do you think of my styling of this tree?" – (danger!) Translation: "Please tell me that I did a great job and that I'm a wonderful person."

"Why can't I grow my juniper on the coffee table?" – (danger!) Translation: "I don't want your stupid advice or your scientific mumbo-jumbo. Just tell me that my tree is beautiful and that I'm a wonderful person."

"Why are you so mean?" – Translation: "Why do you express your honest opinion when you know damn well that I just want to be told that I'm a wonderful person?"


Common responses to your advice and observations or to your interjections of fact or to corrections of inaccuracy:

"I was simply stating my opinion." – Translation: "How dare you suggest that I don’t know what I'm talking about?!" or "There is absolutely no possibility that I am wrong, so don't even suggest it," or "Holy crap! I just pulled that one out of my backside and this elitist jerk called me on it!"

"Everyone here has a right to their own opinion." – Translation: "Heeeey, don't you go bringing facts into this discussion. There is no right or wrong and there’s no such thing as 'accurate' and 'inaccurate'."

"You don’t have to be so harsh." – Translation: "I didn't say that I wanted your honest opinion. I just want a pat on the back and to be told that I'm a wonderful person." or "Your facts are correct but that should not take away from the fact that I'm a wonderful person."

"You're an elitist jerk." - Translation: "Thank you for your correction of my inaccuracies, but kindly keep your observations to yourself. This is a public forum and there are many who now know that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Damn!"


So, after a few years of frequenting online discussion forums and interactive galleries, I now know what's what and who's who. I know who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. I know what quality bonsai is and I know what a good bonsai is. I know that right is only right so long as everyone agrees and I know that good advice only comes from nice people. I know that your opinion is fact and that my fact is just opinion and I know that none of us could possibly know what’s good or bad (unless all neophytes agree) and that artists will be the death of bonsai. I also know to be sure to tell everyone that their trees are great and that they're wonderful people.

*just having some fun* ;-)

Kind regards,
Andy Rutledge
zone 8, Texas