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Originally Posted by bonsaial1
This composition is lacking drama. There is nothing here to make one go Wow!
This is a piece of pumice with some holes dug out and some shimpaku liners wedged in the holes. No attention to rules of artsitry were used in the planting of the trees. While some of the lower tree on their own may have worked, the trees at the top of the scene spoil the image. The shape of the rock is very uninteresting. It is basicly round and adds nothing to the composition. The pumice needs more sculpting, it needs more jaggedness. This stone looks as if it just tumbled down the river for 200 years and was picked up and planted in. Not the right image for a mountain planting.
The plants seem to have had no work on them at all. They give a very juvenile feel to the composition and when coupled with the round rock and the pumice makes this work seem as though it was assembled two hours before the photo was taken.
Al
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Al,
As usual, your opinion is very direct and unapologetic. I agree with you that this attempt needs work, but I think you are basing the "jaggedness" on a regional quality. I see the rock differently from my "regional" experience. Lots of mountain scenes here in NC do not suggest rugged, jagged rocks. They are much more gentle and well...worn. Maybe smooth is the right term. It seems when you approach the higher elevations, the "jagged" scenery increases, at least here. Of course, the foliage becomes sparser simultaneously. Maybe it's a perspective differing between a "hike" and a "climb".
I like this rock. The foliage of the shimpaku material needs to be thickened and trained. More ground covering to make it "lush" would coincide with the smooth aspects of the stone....a more hospitable area, if you will. If that is done, the windswept appearance should be re-considered. The lowest tree looks like a "survivor" and I like that. The upper trees seem a little inconsistent with that since they should be having a rougher time of it. Some thought about if it is too "busy" at the top may be justified. That is a consideration that the owner should ponder. It could make a big difference in the composition's impact. Maybe it could "wow" you then.
I agree there is work to be done, mostly additional effort at making the material look more established. But I do think there is something there to work with. Too much emphasis on the rock would distract from the overall design. Several people mentioned it "reminded" them of a place they'd been. Isn't that the essential point to this bonsai thing?
Good critique though Al. It proves you do actually STUDY the subject.
Warmest regards,
John